Well hello out there metal mercenaries. Time for another Rok's Bottom Line. It has been a while and instead of basically filling you in on the usual everyday hedonistic shenanigans of the band such as wild foursomes, hanging with A-list celebrities, indulging in the most technologically sophisticated modern drugs money can buy, and flying our personal leer jets across the country for radio and television appearances, I decided to be gracious enough in my hectic schedule to take the time out and personally answer some of the hundreds of e-mails I receive daily from Metalicious fans spanning the globe.
Kiki from Des Moines , IA
Mr. Bottomz, it is such a pleasure. I was wondering on the status of the band now that Skiz Roe has left. What was the deal anyway? Is there any truth to the rumor of Alex Van Halen taking his place?
You know Kiki, I think a good vocabulary exercise explaining the ultimate decision of Skiz leaving the band would be with the many different homonyms of the form of "where, we're, wear, and ware". Unfortunately the band and Skiz had different perspectives on 1) where the band was going, where we have been, and where we are right now 2) we're just not on the same page 3) think of it like baseball, you must wear the team's uniform to part of the team or not wear too many hats and 4) we became wary of each other's goals, approaches, and personal obligations, and all collectively decided to go in another direction. The band is currently close to finalizing our decision of Skiz's replacement and will publicly announce it soon. Alex Van Halen, though a good friend of mine and close confidant, did not take part of the audition process. He did inquire about the position online and stressed some disappointment when I explained to him that gigs with his "other band" would only interfere with the strenuous and rigorous demands of a routine Metalicious schedule, and I doubt he would be ready anyway for the pressures of being in such a noteworthy, high octane act like ourselves. However, we look forward to unleashing the newest Metalicious member at a press conference next week (no ladies, not his member, but the "member" of the band – he'll make sure to expose his member at a later date). Expect new songs, a new attitude, a new logo, new bits, and the same old good times associated with the Metalicious experience.
Tactu from Nome , AK
Saw you guys in Juno last year. Great show!! I have to know, "is it a sock or is it Rok"? My husband and I have a bet of a one night stand with any member of our local church riding on this one!!
Wow, I've always been agnostic myself, but I never knew what I was missing out of on Sundays! To answer your question I'll use a little 80s anecdote. Please do not insult me by questioning whether it is a "sock" or not. A sock does not fully describe, detail, or closely encompass what is underneath the spandex. In fact, a sock is not worthy! Instead, it should or would be more appropriate to refer to the imposter as a "legwarmer" or something much more dimensional. But then again, "Is it a legwarmer, or is it Rok" doesn't quite rhyme or sound as catchy. But then again, what is underneath actually could be a "leg-warmer" if you really think about it…..
Biff from Philadelphia , PA
How do you get such good abs?
You really want to know? I'm going to let you in on a little secret that many in the fitness industry might not want you to hear. The key? Excessive vomiting. I used my own little research over the past and found that many actors, musicians, and athletes who had great cut and ripped physiques (especially the mid-section) had one thing in common, they were all hard core junkies in one way or another. Just take a look at vintage clips of Iggy Pop, Robert Downey, and Joe Perry. Vomiting is an integral part of working the "core". A good chunk blowing once a day works the entire midsection equally, including the lower, middle, and upper abdomen area as well as oblique. In fact, a five minute binge and purge session is equal to 200 crunches, 1000 bicycle kicks, 20 hanging leg raises, and 42 side bends.
Grant from Waco , TX
Why do you not play more guitar during the show? I always marvel at the dexterity, clean sound, and rare usage of obscure notes and alternative tuning during "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Who are your influences on guitar?
Thanks Grant. Many do not know this but I am actually a classically trained guitarist. Trained, that is, in classic rock three chord standards. Hey, I just try to be a team player and do what I do best, singing, gyrating, communicating, and hoarding all the bimbos and skanks. Besides, Dane, Cleetus, and Nick do a fine job holding down the 6 string duties and would hate to take away any of the credit they deserve. Influences? I would say Neil Diamond, David Cassidy, and of course Johnny Bravo of the Brady Bunch!!
Jenna from LA, CA
Where can I get a copy of "Bottomz on Top", the porno you made in the early 90s? I have searched adult movie shops across the state, the internet, and even the recent annual Las Vegas
Oooh, I love that name, Jenna! Truth is, though periodically in the industry and in huge demand for such little experience (in the business, that is) I was rather bored and felt secluded in the adult film industry. In fact, it was a bit of a letdown. After bedding thousands of hotties from the typical rock lifestyle for the last twenty years I actually was disappointed in the caliber of talent, both sexually and physically, of the actresses I was working with. If you are a sports fan, it would be almost like Tom Brady switching to the CFL or like Robert Deniro starring in a high school play. However, there is some good news. Nick, our manager, is currently accepting bids for a worldwide release and distribution deal for some candid, impromptu, and unedited backstage moments we have secretly recorded throughout the past tour with anonymous groupies called UNDRESSED REHEARSAL, featuring the most talented, gifted, and "headicated" fans this side of a Tom Jones concert. Believe me, once you see this it's gonna make Girls Gone Wild look like Toddlers Gone Wild.
I just received a rare bootleg copy off of E-Bay of the show at JJ Kelley's from May, 13, 2007. Are you aware that ruthless Metalicious fans are hawking copies of Skiz's last show from Bookies for no less than $211? You need to be aware of those so called Metalicious fans out there who are capitalizing on your name, fame, and good will.
You know Trevor, that is just part of the business and happens all the time. I really can't blame some lowlife who wants to make an easy buck off of someone else's toil. A good friend of mine happens to be an economics teacher at a local high school told me quite simply, "its just supply and demand in action, bro!" When you are public figures, you always are setting yourself up for some type of schemes and travesties. Can you believe that recently we were contacted by a major legal firm seeking retribution for the rights to the Metalicious logo? Seems that both Bubblicious (the chewing gum corporation) and the Stock Metal Lettering CEO are litigating that we stole the font, idea, and concept from them and want us to pay residuals and royalties off the gross net capital revenues earnings receipts and capital gains assets from our last quarterly income statements and profits from gigs at Bookies and Second Dimensions. Needless to say, there are ultimately and undoubtedly too many figures here to mention, and we sadly will have to settle out of court and change our beloved logo sometime soon. Because of this valuable lesson and to safeguard ourselves from the pirateering of our "property" I recently had to copyright the following Metalicious related quotes to insure that nobody will steal our material. This is an actual copy of the receipt:
Copyright Submission Form #200254
United States Trademark/Copyright/Patent Office
Washington , DC
Copyright Submission Form #200254
United States Trademark/Copyright/Patent Office
Mr. Rok Bottomz/Metalicious, as mandated by the US Government, after successfully submitting and applying to Section G13O of the US Copyright Commission, owns the private and federal rights to the following quotes:
The Hair Band Approved by Four out of Five Soccer Moms..
The Hair Band Approved by Four out of Five Soccer Moms..
Let's Get Ready to Stumble…
Daughter's Hide Your Mothers…
Daughter's Hide Your Mothers…
Would any lady like to sit on Sissi's Bass?...
Hugs and Reacharounds..
Are You Ready to Rock?...
Are You Having a Good Time Tonight?...
Are You Ready to Rock?...
Are You Having a Good Time Tonight?...
Our Next Song is….
Its time for our break, see you in twenty minutes…
Thank You, Good Night, and Let's All Get Laid…
If any of you happen to see any of these quotes on any shirts, bumper stickers, buttons, commercials, jingles, or websites, please promptly let us know and our legal team will be on that like my prom date. Hmm.. I like that one, maybe I'll copyright that one too..
Gentry, from San Francisco , CA
Who does your hair? With the demands of the road and your late night ossuaries, how do you manage to keep it so well groomed?
Thanks Gentry. Fortunately, Nick Spiro, our tour manager "combs" through the local city we usually are in and finds the most pricey, high class, and sophisticated salon in the area that would have access to the finest stylists, shampoos, conditioners, and spa treatments. "Locks of Love", Rok Bottomz
Holly from Peckinpaw , Kansas
Loved the picture of you and your daughter Ana on the website. Any plans on her following her father's footsteps in the industry or are you going to steer her away in other directions?
Thanks Holly. Which Ana did you mean? Ana is a pretty popular name and being someone with so many offspring out there it gets hard to tell who is who at times. There's Ana Frank in Germany California Waukegan Russia Washington Spain Gary
See you next time!!
Hugs and Reacharounds,
Rok Bottomz
