Hello there everyone. It is good to finally communicate with our vast audience via this new thing they call the internet. Thankfully one of my younger girlfriends understands how modern technology works and is able to guide me through the whole process. It is very similar to how I helped "guide" her through other special skill acquisitions and was patient enough to work with her inexperience. We'll call it, on the "job" training. Back to my technology story, she said the first thing to do is "hook up" my computer through a phone line, but I couldn't find any outputs on my Commodore Vic 20. Fortunately, we have had a banner tour making great money and I was able to purchase a "newer" model through a local retail establishment, Goodwill. It was kind of a pain in the ass "removing the old files" of the previous owner, but fortunately there was some discrete pictures of teenage girls left on it, so I didn't have to take the time of deleting all of them. Anyway, you can look forward to hearing some of the current memos I compose while either "on the road" in our tourvan, in one of our luxurious hotel rooms, or as I am in "deep" thought while receiving oral gratification from a gracious Metalicious female groupie.
I must say how enjoyable the experience has been since we have made Northwest Indiana our official "home base". The great people of the Region (especially the ladies) have welcomed us with open arms and open mouths. It is a great location, and I never seem to be amazed at the diversity it possesses. You can see all different walks of life in usually a three beer drive, which is usually about twenty minutes (I'm drinking 40 ouncers I might add!). You take a half hour cruise one way and you are in the greatest city in the world, Chicago. You take a half hour drive another way and your in one hundred percent, Grade A, premium blend, tasters choice, prime cut, USDA approved, government certified red-neckdom. That's kind of funny sounding, Red-Neckdom. Sounds like an action figure.. "I'm Red Neckdom, hillbilly superhero. Here to help you figure out your calculator to add up groceries or replace the intake manifold of your 87 Chevy Monza!" He's got his flannel cape, his Marlboro Miles belt buckle, and John Deere cap. Gonna save the day for all innocent citizens whose stereo presets are all set on US99! But whereas Superman protects Metropolis, and Batman saves Gotham City, just where is the city borders of protection for Red Neckdom? This must be that magical line where once you go past the city limits the MPC count raises proportionally (MPC is "mullets per capita" for those of you who are geographically challenged). These are the places where the only thing as few and far between as a college education is the teeth. No wonder in some ways they are correct when they say there is "more than corn in Indiana". They aren't bullshitting: there is trucks, tractors, flea markets, and video stores - sometimes all in the same trailer park if you're lucky. But back to that diversity in a drive thing. I took a twenty minute drive down Ridge Road and went from crack head to cracked corn. Took a half hour drive down US 41 and went from welfare to well water. Took a forty five minute drive down I-65 and went from White Castle to White Only Castle. Still, I find myself at home here where there is peace and tranquility and not hounded from stalkers, the paparazzi, and autograph hounds like I would in Chicago. In fact, sometimes it bothers me about the unfair stereotype that NW Indiana gets from Chicago natives. But, just when you think you are getting somewhere in your argument and get their respect comes another breaking story from the Chicago network news featuring a piece from NW Indiana. Why is it that they always have to interview some mullet headed, tattoo necked, Skoal chewing, acorn teethed, concert shirt wearing, cheesy mustached, hilljack whose 'off center offspring' kid named Jebediah was saved from being mangled to death by the family dog in the neighbor's woodchipper... And they're just interviewing the Mom.
Anyway, I want to thank the hundreds who waited in the long lines, faced the mob crowd, and decorated us with personalized gifts (the IUD to Sissi was a first) at our last show at Bookies. I am a bit bothered, however, at some of the posers who are coming to our shows to simply be "where it is at". The "overcrowding" element is sometimes fun and all but we feel it takes away from our true fans enjoying the show. We have thought about several possible routes to help eliminate this dilemma. Nick has suggested that we possibly have a questionnaire featuring random hair metal questions that potential concert goers would have to pass in order to attend the show. If you fail the test, your cover charge would simply be $20 instead of the standard $5. Perhaps another route would be, as suggested by Dane, for the band to charge Studio 54 style. This would be where we can approve or deny your entrance by how "metal" you look. In a way it is kind of "head bang profiling". It might sound cruel, but I'm just looking out for the good of the serious Metalicious fan.
Finally, we are always looking for suggestions, comments, or concerns in making Metalicious even more of a household name than we are today. On our myspace we have a bulletin regarding new songs that you might be interested in hearing us play. Fortunately we are metal kin and good friends and associates of most of the artists we cover, and they have "waived" the ASCAP fees, copyright infringements, and royalty issue concerning the legalities of doing "cover" music of their own material. Sometimes, however, we have to deny some of the artists requested due to an unfortunate experience we have had with them or bad blood that still exist between bands or their members. For instance, do not expect to hear any Giufrria because there is still hard feelings about a discrepancy in pay for them opening up for Skiz's band in 1986 at the Roxy. (Skiz, who was active manager of the time, was court ordered to pay them $220 for a 45 minute slot and he contends they only played for 40 minutes, and thus only paid the $42). In another example, due to Dane's ethnic heritage and love of his homeland Sweden, he also refuses to learn any Accept, being that Germany (Accept's homeland) is one of his country's sworn natural enemies. These are usually the exceptions to the rule, and we typically will do our best to honor your requests. Just give us time. Due to the substantial overload and accumulative deterioration of brain cells we endure on a daily basis, it is sometimes a task to take upon this challenge. Still, we will do what we can. See you all soon!
Hugs and Reacharounds,
Rok Bottomz
